ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.
More Quotes from Ambrose Gwinett Bierce:
ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised it is no easy task to be solemn.Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. My accountability, bear in mind, Said the Grand Vizier Yes, yes, Said the Shah I do --'tis the only kind Of ability you possess. --Joram Tate.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel --than which nothing could be more absurd. Its original form, which has been but slightly modified, was that of the tail of a subdued dog, and it was not a letter but a character, standing for a Latin verb, jacere, to throw, because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape. This is the origin of the letter, as expounded by the renowned Dr. Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
KEEP, v.t.He willed away his whole estate, And then in death he fell asleep, Murmuring Well, at any rate, My name unblemished I shall keep. But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought Whose was it --for the dead keep naught. --Durang Gophel Arn
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
SCARIFICATION, n. A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method the good that it does and the taint of justice.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a line rhymes with a word at the end, as in this famous passage from Bella Peeler SilcoxThe electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades. Cries Pluto, 'twixt his snores O tempora O moresIt should be explained that Mrs. Silcox does not undertake to teach pronunciation of the Greek and Latin tongues. Leonine verses are so called in honor of a poet named Leo, whom prosodists appear to find a pleasure in believing to have been the first to discover that a rhyming couplet could be run into a single line.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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